


maybe home is not a place

by lornablue



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M, also chainsaw wasn't neccessary but i love her so she's in it, au where there is no magic and no aglionby so they all go to the same school, can u tell i don't know how to tag, it's more a blue/ronan friendship fic, this fic is pointless and ridiculous im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22623526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lornablue/pseuds/lornablue
Summary: There were two people everyone at school seemed to be intimidated by: one Ronan Lynch and one Blue Sargent. They weren't friends. Not until Ronan's unfortunate outing.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 12
Kudos: 233





	maybe home is not a place

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post on tumblr which ao3 won't let me link for some reason but if you've seen the post you'll recognize it in the fic 
> 
> I,,,,,,, didn't plan on ever writing a trc fic but here we are
> 
> unbetad & unedited, sorry for any typos and grammatical mistakes!

Depending on which angle you looked at the story from, it started with Joseph Kavinsky’s self-absorbed self and his inability to take no for answer. Being a prick of a special kind, he outed Ronan to the school after he rejected his advances.

Thinking back, maybe it also had something to do with Ronan constantly winning their midnight races and trashing Kavinsky’s car that one time. By accident. Maybe more than once.

In the end, it didn’t really matter what his reasons were. He wanted to get back at Ronan, so now the entire school knew that he was gay.

Ronan shrugged it off. With his father being dead and his mother catatonic, his parents weren’t really there to care about it. Ronan didn’t care about what Declan would think, even if he was still in Henrietta and not in DC, far away from his brothers and their childhood home. Matthew didn’t really care about who Ronan liked as long as he was happy, and Ronan would never admit out loud that he was glad, since it was Matthew’s reaction he was most worried about.

His, and his friends’. But his friends didn’t care about it, either. Noah was delighted. Gansey was being Gansey and started giving Ronan a lecture about safe sex, and Ronan got a piece of duct tape and taped his mouth shut.

Nobody at school teased him or seemed to care in any way whatsoever, though that probably had more to do with his reputation than nobody being homophobic in Virginia. Half of the school was afraid of him and the other half terrified.

All but one.

The one person even a little part of Ronan was intimidated by, though he’d sooner throw himself off a bridge than admit that to anyone, least of all himself.

And for some reason, Blue Sargent was making her way towards where he was sitting alone at one of the tables out in the school yard during a free period.

She sat down across from him. Ronan stared at her, unimpressed. Blue stared back, silent.

“So,” she started after what someone else would call an awkward silence, but Ronan didn’t care about silences being awkward. “You know how boys will scratch the back of their necks when they’re embarrassed about something?”

Ronan didn’t know what on earth she was doing there, or why she was talking to him, or why she said that, but he couldn’t stop half of his mouth from quirking upwards in a grin, saying, “you get it.”

Blue pointed finger guns at him, then pulled a book and a sandwich out of her bag. She didn’t say anything else, but she kept sitting across from him, opening the book where she marked it, using a chicken feather as a bookmark, and ate her sandwich.

Ronan didn’t let his face show how puzzled he was about this turn of events, but he kept sitting there, ignoring her, until Noah came to pick him up for the English class they had after Ronan’s free period.

Blue didn’t look up from her book or showed in any other way that she noticed Noah’s arrival and the duo’s departure.

Noah looked back at her over his shoulder as they were leaving.

“Since when are you friends with Blue Sargent?”

Ronan shrugged.

“I’m not.”

\--

Depending on how you looked at it, the story started with Niall and Aurora Lynch deciding to have kids who then had to go to school.

Blue had a free period the same time he did twice per week, and since their first encounter, she’d sometimes spend them sitting at that same table across from Ronan. They didn’t really talk much. She’d read a book, or crochet something he couldn’t quite decipher, and he’d lean back, sometimes with his headphones on, sometimes not, depending on how loud the world was that day, and he’d wait for the bell to ring or one of the boys to come find him for their next class.

He was confused at first, but decided that he didn’t really care. It didn’t matter why she was doing it. She didn’t really have any friends, at least he didn’t remember ever seeing her explicitly hanging out with someone at school.

Niall and Aurora probably didn’t know that the school they sent their kids to was also the very school that one Adam Parrish was attending.

Said Adam Parrish was making his way back into school at the same time Blue walked out of it, the way to “their” table now familiar enough that she didn’t need to look up while she was trying to get something out of her bag, which resulted in her colliding with Adam.

Ronan was too far away to hear them, but he could see her curse and he could see Adam apologising, which was entirely absurd considering the collision was her fault and not his, and Ronan had to bite back a laugh. She did, however, help Adam pick up the books he dropped when she crashed into him, and then they were on their separate ways again.

“What are you staring at?” she asked once she reached Ronan and plopped herself down on the bench.

Ronan didn’t look at her when he replied. “Your traffic adventures are free entertainment, maggot.”

“Very funny.” She followed his gaze and caught a last glimpse of Adam’s back before he disappeared inside the school.

She was quiet for a few moments. “Is he into dudes, too?”

Ronan finally looked at her, unfazed, and held her gaze.

Not that he didn’t wonder. He doubted it. Even if he was, Parrish didn’t seem like he had time for anything or anyone besides school and work. Even if he did, and even if he was into dudes, he wouldn’t waste his time on someone like Ronan.

Instead of saying any of that, he shrugged. “Dunno. Not my place to tell, either way. If you want to know, ask him.”

Blue held his gaze for a moment longer, then looked back at the door, then back at Ronan.

“Alright,” she said, and returned to fishing through her bag. With a quiet “finally” she pulled out a spoon and a yogurt. And another yogurt. And another. And a fourth one, and then opened one with a pleased expression on her face.

“Jesus,” Ronan commented.

“Christ,” he added, after she finished all four of them in a matter of minutes.

Blue flipped him off, and they sat in silence until the bell rang.

He didn’t think that she’d actually ask Adam about whatever the fuck floated his boat. Frankly, their conversation kind of slipped from his mind, parts of it tucked away into a special box inside of him titled “Adam Parrish” that nobody knew about, and, if it was up to Ronan, nobody ever would.

Except the next day she pretty much ambushed him while he was walking to his car after school.

“Lynch! Guess what!” she appeared next to him without even a simple hello, the spoons on her homemade necklace clinking together.

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I asked him,” she explained. “Adam. He said he’s bi! So we both have a chance!”

Several things went through his head all of a sudden, all at once, a bunch of feelings he didn’t want to think about or feel right now, but two stood out: one, the little glimmer of hope that appeared upon hearing that Adam was, in fact, into dudes, a hope he quenched immediately, and two, the dark cloud that settled over his mind after realising that Blue was apparently into Adam.

He didn’t tell her any of that, and settled on replying “You more than me.”

To Ronan, Blue looked like a lamp, but even he could admit that she was cute and had a certain charm that boys (and girls) were into. At least judging by how many people he noticed turning their heads after she walked past them.

But maybe he was just projecting Gansey’s secret infatuation with her onto everyone else.

Blue, of course, seemed completely oblivious, and gave him a confused look, asking, “Because I’m short?”

Ronan rolled his eyes and got into his car. “Pocket-sized, actually.”

He drove away from the daggers she was throwing at him with her eyes.

\--

Depending on where you begin this story, it started with Declan Lynch. After their father died, the oldest Lynch brother set himself as the head of their family, and, despite not even living in Henrietta anymore, taking care of them. He was in charge of all their funds until Ronan and Matthew were off-age, his name was written under “owner” on the official papers regarding the barns, and he made sure that both Ronan and Matthew would finish school.

Ronan despised him for it. He hated Declan being in charge of the barns when he didn’t even care for the farm and he hated him for forcing Ronan to attend school when he had no desire nor interest in an education, neither did the have any use with as much or as little as a high school diploma. He wanted to be a farmer, and that was it.

But being at school wasn’t too horrible 24/7. He liked being on the tennis team, even if, arguably, he only liked tennis because it allowed him hit stuff with a racquet. He was actually looking forward to the free periods he shared with Blue, even if he’d never admit that to her or anyone else. He even found himself sitting next to her in the few classes that they shared, though he couldn’t remember if it was her who switched her seat or him, or both of them.

There was also the matter of one blue-eyed, freckle-faced boy.

No, maybe Ronan despised school, but he didn’t despise going to school every single day.

The advanced Latin class was pretty much the only class he somewhat cared about. He was good at it without trying, and the class had a certain perk: he shared it with Adam. Ronan was better at Latin, but only barely.

Unlike Adam, he didn’t really have to work to be good at it. For some reason, it came naturally.

That’s why Ronan could allow himself to not pay much attention in class and stare at Adam, discretely or not, he didn’t know, but he looked. Adam sat one row ahead, a few seats to Ronan’s left, and any chance he got, Ronan stared. At the constellation of freckles on his profile, the way his hands were scribbling notes, how he bit his lip and furrowed his brow in a way that should not be as adorable as it was when he was concentrating on a task and, every once in a while, when he didn’t get something immediately, he’d raise one of his wonderful hands and absently scratch the back of his head, and Ronan would think that Blue definitely had a point.

One day he must have been observing too intently, because Adam suddenly stopped scribbling and turned his head, his eyes catching Ronan’s and not letting go.

Usually when people would find themselves on the receiving end of Ronan’s stare, they’d quickly duck their head and try to disappear.

Adam only raised his eyebrows, as if in a challenge.

Ronan averted his gaze.

Latin wasn’t the only class that they shared. They also had history, which Ronan didn’t care for, econ, which Declan made him take for some reason and Ronan never, ever showed up for, and shop class, which was useless since Ronan already knew most of what they were learning, but because of that it proved to be another easy passing grade for him to get.

The teacher told them that all they needed to do to pass that class with flying colours was finish a project that was as simple as they get: build something useful. They’d work in pairs and the only catch was that they’d have to make two things and they’d have to somehow be complementing each other, for example, a table and a chair, but the teacher begged them to be more creative than that.

She also decided that it’d be a brilliant idea to make the pairs random, and assigned each of them a number and then filtered it through random.org to make pairs.

Ronan didn’t know if he was being blessed or fucked over when random.org paired him up with Adam Parrish.

He nodded at Parrish, who nodded back, and Ronan left the class as soon as the bell rang and before they could talk.

\--

Depending on where you looked at it, the story started with Gansey. Ronan couldn’t remember when they became friends; it was as if they always were, as if Gansey had always been there. Gansey also ended up being the mediator between him and Declan, when the two started getting into fights, and somehow he ended up being a babysitter, making sure that Ronan attended his classes and made at least somewhat of an attempt at passing them.

Gansey’s class was cancelled so he had a free period with Ronan, and Ronan absently made his way outside to his now regular table. Sargent was already there, spoon in hand, leafing through a book that seemed to be a herbarium.

Ronan sat down without a word. Gansey seemed startled to see Blue there, and Ronan bit back a laugh. He wasn’t sure Gansey was even aware of his own crush on Blue.

“Hello there,” Gansey said, finally sitting down next to Ronan.

Blue looked up from her book, unimpressed. “Gansey.”

“You ready for the math test tomorrow?”

 _Great conversation opener, Gansey,_ Ronan thought. “You guys have math together?”

Blue nodded.

“Didn’t think you could count,” Ronan teased. “If you could, surely you’d know the amount of yogurt you eat is concerning.”

Blue flipped him off. Gansey looked between them, puzzled.

They slipped into silence, which Ronan considered comfortable, but of course Gansey, being himself, had to fill it in.

“So, I always wondered,” he directed at Blue, who didn’t look at him. “Is Blue a nickname?”

She met Gansey’s eyes, and silently held his gaze long enough for Gansey to visibly become uncomfortable. “No.”

“Oh. I mean. It’s a cool name. Just. A bit strange.” He pushed his glasses up, a gesture Ronan knew was a nervous tick.

Ronan thought that Gansey started digging his own grave, but he was too amused by this conversation to interfere.

“Yeah, nothing mundane, _Dick_.”

Gansey flinched at that, and Ronan had to turn away to hide his grin.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with blue! A wonderful colour. I’ve got several blue shirts that I really like.”

Blue looked unimpressed, and didn’t say anything.

But Gansey was apparently on a roll. “You always looked more like a Jane.”

Blue closed her book and put it away. “Who died and made you president?”

“I’m sorry?”

“What makes you think you can just go around, naming people, just because you don’t like their name?”

“I didn’t say I don’t like Blue! But I also really like the name Jane.”

“Oh, you can’t-“

“Alright,” Ronan said, stood up and in one motion swooped Blue up and threw her over his shoulder.

“Lynch, what are you _doing_ ,” she started protesting.

Ronan grabbed her bag and started walking away, Blue still over his shoulder, squirming. Ronan held her tighter. “Later, Gansey.”

“Lynch, put! Me! Down!”

“While your anger is justified, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t kill my best friend.”

“I wasn’t going to kill him!”

“Of course.”

\--

Depending on which eye you used to look at it, it started with Noah. When they were thirteen, Noah came to school wearing the most ridiculous sweater Ronan had ever seen. Probably not the most ridiculous, but the most ridiculous his thirteen years old self had seen on a boy. It was striped, the horizontal lines several different soft shades of pink, and it was approximately thirty-six sizes too big for Noah. He was practically swimming in it.

Ronan’s first thought when he saw him was, _Oh. He’s cute._

Ronan’s second thought was that he’s never thought of a boy as cute before.

Ronan’s third thought was that he’s never thought of a girl as cute, either, and when he looked around himself, quietly observing all the girls that were there, he thought that he’d probably never think of a girl as cute, either, at least not in the same way he had thought of Noah as cute just then.

His fourth thought was that that probably means that he only thinks boys are cute, and it took him about two more years, or maybe three, to admit to himself that he likes boys and boys only, and if it wasn’t for Kavinsky’s big mouth, he probably wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone but himself for a long, long time.

“Ronan, what on earth are you _wearing_ ,” Noah’s voice snapped Ronan out of his thoughts.

“What are you doing here?” Ronan looked to where Noah was sitting on the benches. The only sporty thing Noah ever did was skateboarding, and he avoided the school sports grounds as much as he could. He hadn’t been to Ronan’s tennis practice in forever.

“Blue sent me a cryptic message about how I need to come here, snap a photo for proof and send it to her because she couldn’t come or something,” Noah explained. “She didn’t tell me anything else but this speaks for itself.”

Ronan let out a grunt.

“You haven’t answered my question,” Noah pressed.

Ronan sighed, and rubbed his hands over his face. “I lost a bet to Sargent.”

This made Noah bark out a laugh. “What on earth did you two bet on?”

“None of your fucking business.”

“Gotta give it to her, though. This really brings out the colour of your eyes.”

“I swear to god, Noah, I will throw you out the window,” Ronan said, but there was no real malice in his voice. He probably would have thrown Sargent out of a window if she was there, though. “And you’re really not one to talk. You’re wearing sparkles, for fuck’s sake.”

And he still looked cute, even while wearing a shimmery shirt.

Ronan only agreed to the bet because he was sure that Sargent would lose it. There was no way he’d agree to the terms unless he was 120 % certain that he’d win.

But he lost, and for today’s practice, he had to swap out the usual joggers and tank top he wore at practice for an outfit Blue chose herself: the stereotypical white tennis outfit, with the shortest shorts she could find, and the whole outfit came together with a rainbow headband and rainbow socks.

“Yeah, but glitter is my entire personality! Unlike this. Who are you? Can’t believe you’re actually pulling this off.”

“I’m a man of my word, shithead.”

“Oh, Gansey will love this,” Noah lifted his phone to take a photo.

“Don’t you dare,” Ronan said. “I will break you, Czerny.”

“Wait until I take a photo. Can you pose for me?”

Ronan threw his racquet at Noah, but Noah ducked in the last moment and then he was gone, leaving a trail of giggles behind.

Fortunately, the other people who had tennis with him were afraid enough of him to not comment his dumb getup. The coach took one look at him, pinched her nose, let out a deep sigh and turned away without a comment.

Practice started and he didn’t notice until the last minutes of it that someone else took Noah’s place. And it made him nervous. He tried to play it cool, but that went to various degrees of success.

When they were done, Ronan slowly turned to face Adam and make his way to where he was sitting on the benches, leaning slightly forward, elbows on his knees, mouth hidden behind his hands, brows slightly furrowed in concentration.

As Ronan reached him, and Adam met his gaze, he noticed the tips of his ears were slightly pink. Which was endearing.

“What are you doing here?” Ronan asked.

“Your reputation precedes you, you know,” Adam said, lowering his hands, revealing a smirk starting to play at his lips. “Just wanted to see if it’s true that you get into a fight with anything that has a social security number.”

“This is tennis, Parrish. If you want to see me get into a fight, you should find me somewhere else.”

Adam held his gaze. “Maybe I will.”

Ronan blanked, and he felt his own ears get hot, and he really hoped that they weren’t turning pink, as well.

And then Adam slowly looked him up and down, and if Ronan didn’t know any better, he’d think he was checking him out.

“Will you be wearing this then, too?” Adam said eventually, the question a challenge, his voice amused, but not malicious.

Ronan suddenly felt very self-conscious. He didn’t even know what he looked like, having only thrown the clothes on, leaving the locker room without as much as briefly glancing at a mirror.

He also thought back to that time when he considered Noah cute in that ridiculous sweater when they were thirteen, and how that wasn’t the only time he suspected he was only into boys.

Adam Parrish had, after all, been at the same school the entire time.

“I lost a fucking bet,” Ronan spluttered, suddenly embarrassed, feeling hot all over.

Adam raised one elegant eyebrow. “What could you have possibly have bet on?”

“None of your fucking business,” he said for the second time that day, but this time it wasn’t unfriendly.

He went to pick up his things, everyone else already gone. He turned back to Adam. “Why are you actually here?”

“Well,” Adam stood up. “I don’t have your number, and I never catch you at class. We have a project to work on, remember? For shop.”

Ronan did, in fact, remember, he just may or may not have been avoiding the topic. Physically.

“So?”

“So, since we’re both done with school for the day, I thought we could talk it through? Just to make a plan or whatever.” Adam shrugged. “If you have time.”

Ronan contemplated him, for longer than necessary, but Adam apparently didn’t get uncomfortable under his gaze, not breaking eye contact once.

“Whatever,” Ronan eventually let out. “But I’m starving. Want to head to Nino’s? My treat.”

“Will you change, or will you be wearing this?” Adam grinned.

Ronan threw a tennis ball at him, and Adam laughed, and Ronan thought that fuck, he was going to be the death of him.

He did get changed and they made their way to Nino’s. Ronan was surprised to find Blue working there, and she seemed equally surprised to see them enter, though he couldn’t tell if it was because of him or the fact that he was there with Adam.

She made her way to their table when they sat down.

“So, Ronan,” she started, sounding far too pleased and happy. “Noah sent me the _most_ wonderful photo earlier.”

“I’m this close to killing you.”

She put her hand on his head, as if to ruffle his hair, but there’s not much to do with a buzzcut, so she just patted his head. “Sure.”

Adam was looking between them, the cogs visibly turning. “Wait, the bet thing, that was you?”

Blue nodded, far too proud. Ronan wanted to disappear.

“Brilliant.”

“And I have it on photo, so I’m never letting it die down.”

“Oh, I can do you one better,” Adam told her, and then turned to Ronan, with a mischievous smile tugging at his lips. “I have it on video.”

“No way!”

“I hate both of you.”

“Sure,” they said at the same time.

Adam was still smiling and Ronan was still fuming when Blue left after taking their order.

“So, any idea what to do for shop class?” Adam asked.

“Jesus, can’t I at least eat first before you talk about school?” Ronan rolled his eyes. “And I don’t really care. Something dumb.”

Ronan knew how hard working Adam was at school, so he expected him to be annoyed, but Adam just looked amused. “Something dumb?”

“An elaborate jenga or something.”

“So we just cut blocks of wood?”

“Elaborately.”

Adam was laughing, and Ronan thought that he’d give everything to have Adam always laugh like that, out loud, and happy.

They slipped into idle conversation, completely abandoning the topic of the school project, and Ronan realised that he was talking quite a lot, more than usual, more even than with Gansey and Noah.

He’d never hung out with Adam before, aside from exchanging a word here or there at school, and he was surprised, but not too much, and in a pleasant way, how much he enjoyed Adam’s company.

He was clever, and just on the same wavelength with Ronan’s sarcasm and humour, and he realized, by how easy and comfortable it all was, that Adam was most likely the only person at school, aside from Gansey and Noah and Blue, who wasn’t intimidated by him, and his stomach did and embarrassing thing upon that discovery.

Blue gave him a knowing look when she brought their order, and he caught her looking their way every now and then, and once, when he looked at her, she gave him a double thumbs up. He flipped her off.

It was getting late, not that Ronan noticed until it was already dark outside and the streetlights were on.

Adam wanted to chip in, but Ronan insisted that he invited him, so he should pay. He saw Adam looking at the big tip that he left, and he didn’t have to say anything for Ronan to know what was going through his head.

“I know big tips make a big difference,” he shrugged, without Adam having asked anything. “And I can afford to leave a big tip.”

Adam was mulling something over, chewing on the inside of his lip, something that shouldn’t have been as endearing as it was.

“Does Ronan Lynch secretly have a soft heart beneath that cold exterior?” he asked, eventually.

Ronan shoved him, playfully.

They started walking back towards the school. Nino’s wasn’t too far from it, and they left Ronan’s car and Adam’s bike there.

It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but having Adam in such proximity was still making Ronan nervous, and he wanted to fill it in, so he asked the first thing that came to his minds, which was as lame as it gets, a “so what do you want to do after high school”.

“Hold on,” Adam said, and stepped over to Ronan’s left side. “What did you say?”

Ronan looked at him, puzzled.

“Uh, sorry,” Adam started, absently scratching the back of his head, and, yeah, Blue _definitely_ had a point. He pointed to his left ear. “Can’t hear on that ear.”

“Really?” Adam nodded. “Sorry, I didn’t know.”

Adam shrugged. “I don’t really like telling anyone about it.”

The cogs were turning in Ronan’s head. He sensed that this was dangerous territory, and he probably shouldn’t ask, but he couldn’t help it.

“Why can’t you hear on one ear?” He kept his voice quiet.

Adam sighed, deep, and suddenly, he looked exhausted. “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

Ronan raised an eyebrow. “You think you can trust me?”

Adam shrugged, again. He looked at his feet as they walked, and his voice was almost a whisper when he replied. “For some reason I feel like I can.”

Ronan’s stomach was doing the embarrassing thing again.

“You don’t owe me to tell me anything, but if you do, it stays with me.”

Adam didn’t say anything for a while. “My father,” he started as they reached the school, making his way to his bike and unlocking it, “is not a kind man.”

Just like that, everything fell into place. How Adam always held back. How there were days when he didn’t show up at school. How he tried to hide some bruises every now and then, and if someone noticed, he always brushed it off as a small work accident. How he worked three jobs. How hard he studied and how much he wanted to get away from Henrietta. How he always looked exhausted, and how he sometimes flinched when someone unexpectedly shouted.

Ronan realised two things. First, that he was apparently paying more attention to Adam than he thought he had to have noticed all these things. Second, he was getting angry, angrier than he’d been in a very long time, and he wanted to punch something until all his knuckles were cut open.

Nobody deserved this, but least of all Adam.

“That fucking sucks,” is all he managed to get out in the end. “I’m sorry.”

Adam shrugged, once more. “It’s not your fault.”

“Doesn’t make it any better.”

“No.”

They stood there, in silence, for a minute, or two, or five, Ronan couldn’t tell; Adam, looking at his feet, absently kicking at nothing; Ronan, observing his face.

Then Adam took a deep breath, and looked Ronan in the eye, whatever he was feeling now gone from his face, in its place now a small, genuine smile.

“So, are you going to give me your number?” he asked.

Ronan’s breath hitched for a bit, and for a short, brief, fleeting moment, he got the feeling that Adam knew _exactly_ what he was doing.

“You know, for the shop project and all that,” he continued.

“Right. Yeah,” Ronan managed to stutter out, and he took Adam’s phone which had definitely seen better days, and put in his number.

“Thanks,” Adam climbed on his bike. “See you at school tomorrow.”

“Not if I ditch and drop out,” Ronan retorted. “Might as well.”

“And leave me to end up doing the project with Carruthers?” Adam’s voice was teasing.

“Right, we wouldn’t want that.”

“And here I thought better of you, Lynch.”

“That’s your problem, not mine.” Ronan’s voice was a smile.

And Adam gave him the softest smile Ronan had ever seen, as if Ronan was the opposite of a problem, and drove away.

Later, when he was already in bed, he picked up his own phone, and saw a single message from an unsaved number:

_The shorts were a cursed thing and you should never wear them again, but it still looked cute._

\--

Depending on where you started it, it began with Blue. Eventhough they’ve been going to the same school since forever, Ronan didn’t really know her. Not that he ever actively pursued new friendships or tried to get to know people. They were just never in the same orbit.

All that he knew about her was what everyone knew about her, which wasn’t much.

He’d been getting to know her slowly but better ever since the day she ambushed him in the school yard. It was a silent agreement that Ronan didn’t remember making that they’d spend their free periods together, and he found himself stopping by at Nino’s every now and then, sometimes with the boys, sometimes just to see Gansey make a fool of himself in front of her, and sometimes he was there alone.

They pretty much sat next to each other in the few classes that they shared, one of which was art history.

Ronan successfully zoned out, not paying attention to what was going on in class, but not really thinking about anything, either.

“Hey, Ronan?” he suddenly heard Blue say really quietly, and that snapped his attention, because she never called him by his first name.

“Uh, do you know how to help people having a panic attack?” she wasn’t looking at him, and something looked off with her.

He squinted at her. “Yeah? I guess.”

“Cool,” she nodded, attempting to swallow. “I think I’m having one.”

It’s only then that he noticed how shallow and quick her breathing was, and how she was clenching her fists in a way that didn’t look like a nervous tick.

“Sargent what the fuck,” he started, and grabbed his things. “What the fuck. Let’s go.”

She only let out an “okay” and let him grab her stuff and pull her out of class, completely ignoring the looks the rest of the class and the teacher was sending them. Ronan pretended not to hear the teacher calling after them, and pulled Blue down the hall, out of the school, down to the bleachers and gently made her sit underneath them. He let go of her as soon as she was down and crouched down next to her, making sure to not touch her again in the state she was in. She was starting to hyperventilate.

“Alright Sargent,” he said, keeping his voice firm but kind. “Blue? Blue. We’re going to breathe now. Alright? Nothing else. Hey. Look at my chest. See how I’m breathing? Try breathing with me.”

Once her eyes were on his chest, he made sure to breathe exaggeratedly, so his inhales and exhales were visible. It took her a while to focus on that, but eventually she did, and slowly she started breathing with him. Ronan didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but eventually she seemed to calm down, and she let out a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out when she could find her voice again.

“The fuck are you sorry for,” he frowned at her.

She gestured vaguely at herself.

Ronan snorted, and she half-heartedly glared at him, which he took as a sign that she was doing better.

“Dude, it’s cool.”

She nodded, and they sat in silence for a while. It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but he didn’t know quite what to do now that she had calmed down from the worst.

“Do you, uh. Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Blue’s voice was exhausted.

“Cool. Can you stand?”

“I’m not dead. Why?”

Ronan got to his feet, and stuck his hand out to her. “Come on.”

Blue took his hand and let herself be hauled to her feet. “I don’t feel like going back to class, though. Like this.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. Blue frowned.

“We’re not going back to class,” and he started walking towards the small patch of trees behind the school that led to a path which eventually led to a bigger forest.

Blue trailed behind him, and they walked in silence for a while.

“Where are we going?”

“Away,” Ronan pushed his hands in his pockets, ducking below a branch.

He could almost hear her rolling her eyes. She caught up with him. “Why?”

“Sargent, you just had a panic attack.” Ronan looked ahead. “Can’t imagine a loud crowd of highschoolers would do you any good.”

Blue was quiet for a few moments. Then she asked, “How are you good at handling panic attacks, anyway?”

He didn’t reply right away. He wasn’t sure if he even should. He still hardly knew her, and he didn’t exactly want to open up about this stuff to just anyone. A high pitched chirp came from the side just as he was about to say something, and he ducked away to inspect it.

It came from the bushes by the path. Ronan pushed the leaves aside, revealing a baby bird, covered in dark fuzz, too young for any feathers to grow yet.

Blue crouched down next to him, and looked at the bird. “You think it fell out of a nest?”

“Probably?”

The little bird looked at them curiously, and made a couple of tentative steps toward Ronan.

“The parents are probably somewhere near.”

“Should we wait, just in case?”

Blue gave him a weird look, but didn’t say anything. They stepped away, a few trees further, and sat down, waiting.

“I used to get them,” Ronan surprised himself when he spoke. “Panic attacks. After my dad died. Also, I’m friends with Gansey, so.”

The last part made her laugh. “Gansey? Why?”

“Why am I friends with him?”

“I mean, yeah,” she chuckled. “You two are like polar opposites. But I meant what his deal with panic attacks is?”

“When he was a kid, he tripped in a hornet’s nest and almost died,” Ronan started, not sure why he was telling her this. But it wasn’t really a secret. “He’s allergic. One sting could kill him, so he used to get really anxious whenever he heard a bee buzzing or something.”

“Oh.” She looked like she was mulling something over. They didn’t say anything for a while.

“And why is it that you guys are friends?”

Ronan shrugged. “We’ve always been. Can’t even remember how we met, it’s like he’s always been there.” He picked up a twig and started trailing random patterns in the dirt with it. “He’s like a brother to me, sometimes even more than my actual brothers. Blood is thicker than water, but that’s kinda bullshit.”

“That’s not it.”

Ronan looked up at her, and she was looking at him with a soft expression.

“What?” he furrowed his brow.

“The saying. That’s not it,” she repeated. “It’s actually _‘the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’_.”

Ronan just stared at her, then looked back at his feet. He mumbled out something indecipherable.

“Sorry about your dad, by the way,” she added, but there was no pity in her voice.

“It is what it is.”

“Hmm.”

They sat there for god knows how long, chatting occasionally. Ronan noticed that he didn’t mind her company at all.

The chirping was an incessant reminder of why they were even there, and after a while it didn’t seem like the parents or any other bird was looking for it.

“What should we do? We can’t just leave it here like that,” Blue said when they got back on their feet and returned to the bush.

Ronan crouched down, pushing the leaves aside, and surely enough, the bird was still there. He reached out a hand and it took a few wary steps towards him. “I’ll take her home.”

“ _Her?”_

He didn’t reply, instead gently scooping the bird up once she was close enough. For some reason she wasn’t protesting at all, making herself comfortable in Ronan’s hands.

“Do you even know how to take care of baby birds, Lynch?”

Ronan started walking. “We have plenty of chickens on the farm.”

“That’s not a chicken!”

“Nope,” Ronan smiled to himself, looking at the bird which he was guessing was a raven. “She’s a Chainsaw.”

Blue walked next to him as they were making their way out of the woods, every now and then dropping a comment about how this wasn’t a good idea, and Ronan ignored her.

“How’s it going with Adam, by the way?”

That snapped him out of it, and he turned to glare at her. Blue had a smug look on her face, biting back a grin.

Ronan felt his face getting hot, and he started walking away more determined. “Shut the fuck up.”

“You shouldn’t speak like that in front of a baby!” He could hear her laughing behind him.

He flipped her off over his back.

“That’s not better!”

\--

Depending on where you stood, it started with St Agnes.

The Lynch family had been going to mass at St Agnes every Sunday for as long as Ronan could remember. His parents, his brothers, him. Then his father died, and it was just the four of them. But his mother hadn’t been back since then; she hadn’t even gone to the funeral. She hadn’t really gone anywhere since then. It was curious what grief could do to you.

Now it was just the three of them: Declan, Matthew, Ronan. Sometimes it was just Matthew and Ronan, if Declan couldn’t come from DC. And sometimes it was just Ronan.

Sometimes Ronan went there when it wasn’t Sunday, too. It was a strange place. Peaceful. He’d mostly come during the night, when he couldn’t sleep, when everything got too loud and the old church somehow the only place where his head didn’t feel too full.

But he went to mass every Sunday. There were days when he wondered if it was faith that took him there or just tradition, but he went either way.

He was almost running late, the service was already beginning, but he had to feed Chainsaw and she really wasn’t making it easy for him.

He wasn’t really looking where he was going, almost by the door already, when someone crashed into him from the stairwell.

They let out a “shit, sorry,” and Ronan turned to glare at them but stopped dead in his tracks when he recognized Adam.

“Parrish.” Ronan said. It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t a hello, either.

Adam looked up, seeming to only now realise who he had run into. “Ronan?”

Ronan startled. Nobody said his name like that. He didn’t know what to do with it, so he brushed it aside, to dwell on it later. Maybe.

“What are you doing here?”

“Mass.”

Adam quirked an eyebrow, looking surprised by the fact that Ronan Lynch went to Sunday mass.

But he wasn’t the first, nor the last, so Ronan didn’t think anything of it. Instead, he said: “What about you?”

“Oh. Just heading out,” Adam answered, and then he rubbed the back of his neck like he was embarrassed, and Ronan thought both “ _cute_ ” and “ _what is he embarrassed about_?” at the same time.

Adam must have seen the confusion on his face, because he added, pointing with a thumb behind himself, at the stairwell: “Uh, I live here. Above the church, not. In it.”

Ronan nodded.

They stood there, looking at each other, and somehow it wasn’t awkward, not at first, but then Ronan felt a blush creeping up his neck, so he turned his head away, but from the corner of his eye he saw Adam’s delicate hand going to the back of his neck again, and Ronan could have sworn his cheeks weren’t this pink before.

“Right, uh,” Adam started, “I have to go. Work.”

Ronan was the one to raise an eyebrow this time. “It’s Sunday.”

“No rest for the wicked,” Adam flashed him a grin that probably would have killed him if the bells signalling the service hadn’t started tolling then.

“Shit,” Ronan said, startled, but grateful for the bells anyway. “I’m late.”

“Careful with that mouth, Lynch,” Adam said, smirking at him, and Ronan thought _what the fuck_ and his brain short circuited, “you’re in a church.”

“Least of my worries,” he managed to get out. “I’ve done worse things than swear in this place for God to mind.”

Adam was still smirking. “I bet.”

And Ronan felt his face go red.

And then Adam was gone.

And all through service all Ronan could think about were all the possible constellations he could find hidden in Adam’s freckles if only he looked close enough.

And it was only after the service that Ronan took his phone out to see he had a new message, and it read: “ _I’m off at six, though. Gonna head to Nino’s after_.”

Ronan didn’t know what that message was supposed to mean, or why Adam was telling him that, but he went to Nino’s at six, anyway.

Adam was already sitting in a booth which Ronan thought was the same one as the first time they were at Nino’s. He was relieved to notice that Blue wasn’t working that night.

“You know, Parrish,” he said as he slid down in the booth across from him, “if you wanted to work on that dumb shop project, you could have just simply said so.”

Adam scoffed. “I know you well enough to know that school talk wouldn’t get you anywhere.”

The thought of being known was terrifying, but the thought of being known by Adam Parrish made something flutter in his chest.

He started chewing on the bracelets around his wrists.

“So what made you think that text would?”

There was a glint in Adam’s eyes; his smile reaching them. “Just had a feeling.”

Ronan had to look away.

He cleared his throat. “So. You wanted to talk about school?”

“Maybe later.”

Ronan looked back at Adam. The glint was still there. Ronan lowered his hands. This time, he held Adam’s gaze.

They ordered food, and chatted aimlessly.

Adam asked him about mass. Ronan shrugged, and told him that he went every Sunday. With his brothers, usually. Adam asked about them. Ronan told him about them. Declan was a dick, and Matthew was cool. Adam didn’t ask about his parents. If he had, Ronan would have told him, but for the most part he was still relieved that he didn’t.

Ronan asked Adam about work. Adam told him about Boyd’s. Ronan asked about Boyd, and Adam told him how he’d worked there for a long time now, how Boyd took him in when he could see Adam needed it. Ronan asked how much he worked, and Adam told him about his three jobs and how he worked to pay rent and to save up for college. Ronan didn’t ask about his parents. He had the feeling that Adam would have told him if he did, and he also had the feeling that Adam was relieved that he didn’t.

They weren’t there yet. But maybe they would be.

Ronan allowed himself a bit of hope. Just a bit.

Ronan talked about Chainsaw, and about Gansey, and Adam talked about college and getting away from Henrietta.

If he didn’t know better, he could almost think that it was a date. But it wasn’t.

Still, he enjoyed it. A lot. Getting to know Adam better might have become his new favourite thing.

“So what about you?” Adam asked at some point, after he confessed that he’d try to get into Harvard.

“What about me?”

“After high school. You got any plans?” He sipped on his soda.

Ronan thought about Declan and how he kept pestering him about this; how he insisted that Ronan should go to college, too; how education was important; how their parents wanted that for him.

Ronan punched him the first time he said that. Told him to keep their parents out of it, that the only thing they wanted was for their kids to be happy. If that meant college, fine, if it didn’t, also fine. Declan didn’t bring them up again, but he didn’t shut up about school.

“Lynch?” Adam snapped his fingers in front of Ronan’s face. “You still here?”

He didn’t notice zoning out. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Adam’s smile was soft.

He shrugged. “Not sure. Declan keeps pushing. I don’t want to go to college. Fuck, I don’t even want to go to high school anymore. But I promised Gansey and Noah I’d finish with them.”

There was a clash of emotions on Adam’s face, and Ronan couldn’t quite tell it all apart. He had an idea, though. School was a bit of a touchy subject with Adam, and they were opposites in this matter. To Ronan, school was a cage, and he felt trapped. To Adam, education was a means of escape, it was freedom, a different life.

Part of him suspected that Adam might bring it up. Instead, Adam asked, “So what do you want to do instead?”

And Ronan didn’t know how he could think even for a second that Adam would have been anything like Declan, or even Gansey, when it came to Ronan and his relationship with school. That’s not who Adam was.

And Ronan smiled, despite himself. He said, a bit sheepishly, but with complete honesty, “I want to work on our farm. That’s all.”

Adam’s smile was still soft. There was no judgement in his eyes. Rather understanding. Adam didn’t say it with words, but it was in his eyes and his smile: that’s perfectly okay. If it’ll make you happy, you should do it. You deserved it.

And Ronan believed him.

\--

Depending on how you looked at it, it started with the barns. Niall Lynch had bought the property a long time ago, and built the house and the barns and the paddocks and the shed and the garden from nothing, with his own hands.

Ronan loved him for it.

It was Aurora who breathed life into the barns, though. When she first came there, when she married Niall, when she gave birth to her sons. But mostly for being who she was; there were always wisps of magic around her, if one believed in magic.

Ronan loved her for it.

He missed them both. The barns weren’t the same without them, but they were still home.

It’s where he grew up. It’s where he learned everything he knew, everything he knew how to do, and everything he knew about himself.

He was sitting at their bench one day, when Blue stormed out of the school, looking positively pissed off.

Ronan had his feet on the table, and he raised an eyebrow at her. She was fuming. He waited.

“I got suspended,” she admitted, eventually.

Ronan grinned, widely. “Shut the fuck up.”

Her face turned red. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I do,” he said, still grinning.

She glared at him.

“How long?”

“A week.”

“A week? What did you do to get a week?” She was still glaring at him, and he was still grinning at her, and he raised his fist towards her. “Sargent, you bastard.”

She sighed, and pinched her nose, but she knocked her knuckles against his, anyway.

“This is amazing. Let’s go.” He got to his feet.

“What? Where are _you_ going?”

“Away?”

“You’re not suspended.”

“So?”

“Jesus Christ.”

And they left the school premises together. They didn’t talk about it, just got into Ronan’s car together, and drove off. They didn’t talk about it, but Ronan drove them to the barns.

“What’s this place?” She asked when they got out. They haven’t spoken until then.

“Home,” is all Ronan said.

He showed her around. The paddocks. The little stream by the edge of the property, where the forest began. The cows, and she helped him feed them, and Ronan laughed when she got hay stuck to her hair. The chicken coop, and it made him feel warm when the chickens liked her immediately and let her pick them up and cuddle them, and he didn’t tease her about how happy she looked, sitting on the ground, all the baby chickens in her lap.

The chickens were dozing off, gently, when she told him. Ronan had almost forgotten that she got suspended by then.

“He’s insufferable,” she started. “Kavinsky. I can’t believe you were friends with him.”

“We weren’t friends.”

“Whatever you call it then.”

“Street racing?”

She rolled her eyes. “Anyway. He was being a jerk. An insufferable jerk.”

“About what?” Ronan surprised himself by how protective he sounded. Judging by how she looked at him, so was Blue.

“Doesn’t matter anymore. I punched him, and that was that.”

Ronan grinned.

“I broke his nose.”

Ronan grinned wider. Blue grinned back. He wouldn’t prod what exactly had happened. If she wanted to tell him, she would. But it was enough to know Kavinsky got punched.

He showed her the house, and where he kept Chainsaw, and she commented how much she’d grown since he got her, feathers already growing. Chainsaw recognized her, and Ronan laughed when Blue actually blushed at that. “Getting flustered over a bird, Sargent? Jeez.”

They made hot chocolate and went to sit on the roof. They just looked over at the meadows and the paddocks, at the cows grazing and the chickens walking about, at the sky changing colours as the sun began to slowly set.

“Thanks,” Blue said, quietly, at some point. “For being my friend.”

Ronan looked at her. She looked ahead. There was a lot being said with that. _Thank you for being my friend. I don’t have many people. Thanks for being there for me. I trust you. You can trust me, too._

“Jesus Christ, Sargent,” is what he replied. “Don’t get all sappy.”

She met his eyes. There was a lot being said with that, too. _Of course I’m your friend. Thank you for being mine. I trust you, too._

The clinked their empty cups together.

Ronan only went to school for Latin that week. He brought Chainsaw with him. The teachers looked annoyed. Adam gave him an amused look. Chainsaw liked him immediately, allowing him to scratch her tiny head, and Ronan had to pull his hoodie up to hide how red his ears got.

Blue took advantage of the free time and picked up a few shifts at Nino’s, but they hung out the couple of days she wasn’t working. She brought him over to 300 Fox Way once, which was a lot to take in. Ronan thought that if witches were real, this is what a coven would probably look like. He was smart enough not to say that out loud, though.

They somehow ended up on her bed, bickering, and he didn’t know how it came to that, but they were painting each other’s nails while complaining about school and their classmates and Ronan complained about Declan and Blue complained about men in general.

He was just in the middle of a rant when Blue patted his hand and said “You’re all done.”

Ronan looked down at his hands. “What the fuck, Sargent?”

She was wheezing. After she insisted that they paint each other’s nails, and he caved after she promised to only do a few of his and they’d be black. She painted his nails _rainbow_.

“Bro, you need some colour in your life,” Blue said when she finally managed to breathe.

Ronan mumbled something.

“What was that?”

He didn’t look at her when he repeated what he said.

“I already have something blue.”

She was quiet for a few beats. Then, “Ew. Gross.”

But her voice was soft, and he could hear her smiling.

He still didn’t look at her, and he only looked up when someone loudly burst through the door.

“Blue,” a woman in a leopard print shirt said. “That boy of yours is on the phone again, asking for you.”

Ronan squinted at her. “What boy?”

Blue was blushing rapidly. She didn’t say anything.

She didn’t have to. The woman turned to the phone, asking, “Boy, what did you say your name was again? Gansey.”

“Oh,” is what Ronan said.

“Orla, I am going to kill you,” is what Blue said, face red as a tomato.

“She’ll call you back,” is what Orla said to the phone.

“Oh, this is fucking amazing,” is what Ronan said.

Blue punched him in the shoulder. Ronan started laughing.

\--

Depending on where you started, it started with Adam Parrish.

Ronan had noticed Adam a long time ago. They were the same age, they went to the same school, they shared a lot of classes through the years. Ronan saw him right away and felt a pull, but he didn’t understand it for a long while. He never tried to become friends. Adam was always closed off, holding to himself, as if he was trying to hide, to remain unnoticed.

Looking at it now, Ronan thought it was probably fear, fear that anyone would notice that things weren’t good at home.

But Ronan saw him.

When they were thirteen and Noah came to school in that ridiculous sweater and Ronan thought he looked cute, the thought that followed very soon was, _Adam, he’s cute, too. He’s always cute_.

Now that they were eighteen, Adam was still cute, but he was also handsome, and if he allowed himself the unholy thought, he was also hot, but most of all, he was a wonder, and a beautiful wonder at that.

Adam was friendly with everyone, but he didn’t have many friends, if at all. He and Ronan were never really in the same orbit.

Part of Ronan was sad, and he regretted that it took them this long to start talking. Adam was quickly becoming a good friend. But it didn’t matter in the end. He was grateful for what they had, however it was.

Sometimes they’d go to Nino’s together.

Sometimes Ronan would come see him after work.

Sometimes Adam waited after Sunday mass was over to say hi to him.

Sometimes they’d deliberately make plans to hang out.

Ronan didn’t allow himself to read into it.

After a very brief brainstorming session they decided that their shop class project didn’t have to be anything special to be useful. They would make a simple set of shelves, one for books and one for games. They’d donate them to the nearest orphanage after they got a grade for it, and they’d fill them up, too. Along with the elaborate jenga.

The last class they had on Fridays was history, and one Friday it was cancelled. And it just so happened that his car was in the shop, Boyd’s, not by coincidence, but because it was the only mechanic’s in town, and Ronan’s ride was Gansey, but Gansey still had class.

He was just thinking about whether he should wait for him or just walk home when Adam’s voice reached him by the lockers.

“Hey, Lynch,” he said, and Ronan turned around. “Got any plans now that we’re done early?”

Ronan shrugged. “Nah. You working today, Parrish?”

“With a punk with a pet raven,” Adam said, and smiled, bright and happy. Ronan would do anything for him to always smile like that. “Unless you have to study.”

“Shithead.”

Adam laughed. Ronan smiled. They left school together.

Chainsaw had learned to fly not too long ago, and she always came to Ronan when he left school. That day, for some reason, she didn’t land on his shoulder, though. She landed on Adam’s, nipping at his hair, gently.

Ronan flushed.

For some reason, so did Adam.

They got his bike, and automatically started walking in the direction if Nino’s, bickering, Chainsaw still perched on Adam’s shoulder.

They didn’t stop at Nino’s though, neither of them saying anything about it. They just kept walking where their feet took them, which away from Nino’s, away from St Agnes, in the direction that would eventually lead to a road that could take them to the barns, but Ronan knew that that’s not where they were going.

They took a different turn, and came to a path that lead to the forest. Chainsaw left them once they reached the trees and hid Adam’s bike behind them, but she didn’t go far; every now and then she’d let out a caw, something that sounded like _kerah_.

It wasn’t a very wide path, but they walked side by side. Every once in a while their hands would brush, knuckles knocking together, and Ronan didn’t want to do anything more than to grab Adam’s hand and lace their fingers together, but it wasn’t his place, and it wasn’t allowed, so he didn’t.

They were talking about Blue and Gansey and how they really weren’t being as subtle about their secret relationship as they thought they were when they reached a small clearing.

There were two does on it when they entered, and they looked at them, curiously, before they turned around and ran away, disappearing between the trees. It was a nice day. Bright, just warm enough. The air seemed filled with something, something Ronan couldn’t quite pinpoint, but it wasn’t a bad thing.

Ronan walked by the trees, lifting his arms so that the branches brushed against his hands. Adam stepped into the clearing, almost to the middle of it, letting his hands brush the grass where it was tall enough to reach him. He picked at bits of it, here and there. Ronan watched as he stopped, and lifted his chin, soaking in the sun, eyes closed.

He really was a wonder.

Ronan stayed by the trees.

Adam broke the comfortable silence. “I got in,” was all he said.

Ronan waited. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Harvard. I got in. Full scholarship.”

He could hear the happiness in his voice. The relief. There was something else, but Ronan couldn’t name it.

“Seriously?” he said, smiling. “Parrish, that’s fucking awesome. Knew you had it in you.”

He was happy for him. Really, he was. A bit sad, because that meant Adam would leave in a few months, and Ronan knew he didn’t plan on ever coming back, but mostly he was happy. This is what he wanted, and if anyone deserved it, it was Adam, and Harvard will be damn lucky to have him.

Adam smiled, a small smile, and somehow it was exactly that: happy, and a bit sad, but happy.

Ronan waited, by the trees. Adam still stood in the clearing.

“I never had a life here,” he started after a while. “My dad made it clear he never wanted me. That he regretted me. And he made sure that I knew.”

Ronan waited. This is the first time Adam brought this up since he told him he was deaf on one ear.

“He was drinking. First there was yelling. Then there were fists. Not just me, my mother, too. Some months ago … he found out that I wanted to leave, go to college. I don’t know how he found out, and I don’t even know why it pissed him off, considering he didn’t care for me. My mom did nothing. I once asked her why she never stood up to him, or why she never left, and she just said that I wouldn’t understand.”

His voice was low. Shaky, but only a little.

“When he found out about my plans, he got angry. Really angry. Bashed my head in by the stairs. I had a concussion, and next thing I know, the doctor is telling me that I won’t be hearing on one ear anymore. I never went back to them.”

Ronan felt the anger welling up in him. He kicked at the ground. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Parrish. You didn’t deserve that.”

Adam turned to him, then, hearing the frustration in his voice. He took a few steps towards him, towards the trees. “It’s alright.”

“It’s not alright.”

“No, it not” Adam admitted. “But I’ve made my peace with it. I’ll never forgive them, especially him, but I can’t change the past. It is what it is.”

He stopped a few steps in front of Ronan.

“So I always wanted to get away. From them. From Henrietta. You can probably understand why.”

When Adam looked at him, Ronan nodded, and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

“There was never anything here for me, nothing but pain and fear. No one. Henrietta was never home.”

And Ronan understood. He could never blame Adam for wanting to leave and for actually leaving. He deserved the world, and that’s not what Henrietta was.

And then Adam smiled, like he knew something, like everything was clear.

He took another step closer, and his voice wasn’t shaky anymore, but it was more quiet. Close to a whisper.

“But I’m starting to think that it’s not all bad,” he said. “That maybe there are things here I’d leave behind that I don’t want to leave behind.”

And then he was in front of Ronan.

And he said, “Ronan.”

And there it was. His name in Adam’s mouth. The way he said it, the way he said it all that time ago when they collided at St Agnes. The way only he said it. Like it was safe in his mouth. Nothing more and nothing less than that: _Ronan_.

And Ronan said, “Adam.”

And he thought that his name in Ronan’s mouth was the same. Like it was safe when he said it. That it was nothing more and nothing less than that: _Adam_.

And then he knew. They both did.

And Adam leaned in.

And Ronan kissed him.

And Adam kissed him back.

It was everything. The first wind on a hot summer’s day, the first snow during winter. The soft bed after a long day of work, the accelerating miles on an empty highway. A moth gently landing on your face, the feel of moss beneath your palm. The heavy rain that soaked you to the bone, the first rays of sunshine on your face.

They kissed until their teeth chattered together because they were smiling so hard, and they laughed, and they kissed some more.

When they pulled apart to catch their breath, Ronan asked, “How long?”

“A while,” Adam said, knowing right away what Ronan meant. “Before we were friends. Before.”

Ronan looked at him, bewildered. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Adam raised an eyebrow, “You’re not very approachable, you know that?”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “I’m plenty approachable.”

There was a caw from somewhere above them, a _kerah_ that sounded more like: _yeah, right_.

They laughed.

“And you?” Adam asked. “How long?”

“A while. Before we were friends. Before,” Ronan repeated back at him.

And Adam grinned. “What’s your excuse?”

Ronan shrugged. He didn’t really have one, besides: “I didn’t dare hope.”

And Adam’s expression was so fond, Ronan wanted to hide or drown in it or both.

Then Adam’s eyes widened. “Wait. Is that why Blue asked me if I was gay?”

Ronan had forgot about that, almost. “I had nothing to do with that.”

Adam laughed. Ronan grinned. “Shut the fuck up, Parrish,” he said, and then he kissed him again. One of his hands went to Adam’s waist and the other to his hair, softer than it had any right to be, and Adam’s hands, the hands that Ronan had admired for so long, were cupping his face, slightly calloused, but gentle.

Adam kissed him back, and it was slow, and it was tender, and Ronan thought that there was nothing more or else he’d ever want to do than this; Adam in his arms, he in Adam’s, the two of them, one.

They didn’t name it, say it out loud in any way, eventhough they both already knew what it was.

When they left the clearing, to head back home, and their hands brushed together again, Ronan didn’t hesitate. He took Adam’s hand, and Adam laced their fingers together. And neither let go.

\--

Depending on how you look at it, it started with Ronan Lynch.

Ronan had noticed Adam a long time ago. There was one day, after Gansey turned sixteen, and got the Camaro, and he drove them and Noah to school. They stopped at a red light, and so did a boy on a bike next to them. Ronan only saw him because he was bored, leaning against the window, ignoring whatever Gansey was ranting about. The boy didn’t see them. The light turned green, and he drove off, the same direction they were headed, and as they got ahead of him, Ronan saw his profile, the freckles, the hair swept back by the wind.

He let out a silent prayer, which, at that time, he didn’t allow even himself to hear.

Never did he think he’d get his prayers answered.

Never did he think: _Adam_. Not in this way.

But here they were, on the couch in the living room at the barns. Adam’s legs in Ronan’s lap, Ronan absently tapping a random rhythm on them with his fingers. Bickering, laughing.

Happy.

One day, when they were huddled in Adam’s bed above St Agnes, already half asleep, Adam said, “Maybe home can be a person.” And Ronan felt his heart could burst, it was so full.

And his friends. His family. Not by blood, but in any other way that really mattered. It was Ronan and Adam and Gansey and Blue and Noah and it was RonanAdamGanseyBlueNoah.

It would always be them.

For the first time since his father died and since his mother drifted someplace nobody could reach her, he felt happy. Maybe he was really, truly, honestly happy for the first time in his life. He didn’t dwell on it. He knew it was a feeling that won’t always be there, but he was okay with that, because what mattered was that he was happy now.

He took Adam’s hand in his, lifted it to his mouth, and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, to the tips of his fingers, on his palm.

Ronan barely finished high school. He didn’t particularly care if he’d be a drop out, but in the end, somehow he passed his classes with positive grades, and that was that. Declan gave him access to his funds, and got off his back, and they came to an agreement that they’d sign the barns over to Ronan’s name.

He’d searched for constellations in Adam’s freckles, and found them all, but when he looked again, he discovered new ones, more than there were in the sky, more precious than the stars.

Adam was leaving for Harvard soon. And it was okay. Ronan was happy for him, happy that he could do what he wanted to do. He’d come visit him as much as he could. And Adam would come to Henrietta during breaks. And maybe Henrietta wasn’t a permanent “no” anymore, but they didn’t have to think about that yet.

They found themselves in the porch of the barns one evening, the sun almost set, the crickets chirping, Chainsaw perched on one of the trees; it was just them.

They came together, with a lazy kiss, smiles tugging at their lips. They held each other close, gently swaying to music only they could hear.

Ronan kissed Adam, and pulled back just enough to softly say, “Tamquam.”

And Adam smiled, and against his lips, he said, “Alter idem.”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you want, you can find me on tumblr under @brisingr-iettauthr


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